Tuesday, February 26, 2008
On “Nice Guys”
(from an email exchange)
It’s insulting to be a “nice guy.” “Nice guy” means “steadfastly ambivalent about” to “lacks acknowledgeable negative qualities.” Usually, these “negative qualites” tend to be low-status signals: insecurity, nerdy hobbies or interests, poor posture, submissive body language, class discrepancy, etc. But because it’s awkward to criticize obsequiousness, especially when it’s directed towards you, “nice guys” simply quietly incur disrespect (and anyways, said he was “sorry” about a dozen times) Logically, that’s fair enough: girls want the best guys —just like how guys want the best girls —just like how anyone wants to associate with the “best” of anyone else. Practically, it’s in one’s own best interest to do the best for oneself.
There is an entire “discipline” about how to hack one’s behavior to signal high status to “pick up” women. More intellectually, the discipline is not really specifically about women, but how people work generally. The same tactics work in most social situations. For example, how do you know that one is “important?” You pass maybe thousands of people every day, maybe consciously notice only a few dozen, and maybe only interact with a few. What is the qualification process by which you mind decides who to notice? Given three men, about 30, about the same build and ethnicity, how can you recognize immediately which is the CEO, which is doing floor-work for some fund, and which is an employee programmer?
This must be something actors and directors have mastered. Think Matt Dameon in “The Talented Mr. Ripley.”
(SPOILERS)
The ending to “The Talented Mr. Ripley” was lame. I much prefer the idea that Matt’s character was able to vault into aristocracy and live happily ever after better than the idea that those who “act out of place” are doomed by “hubris.” I think that it’s an interesting statement about American culture that my happily-ever-after ending would be “morally unacceptable”… and I don’t think that’s because we were meant to feel too sorry for the victims.
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